"Things Got Weird"

January 7th, 2013; tumblr

I remember my last day there. It’s not hard to. It was only two days ago. I remember waking up tired. I always wake up tired if I wake up with the sun. I remember the cold. It’s always freezing in that room. That room. As if it weren’t my room. My room. Even as my fingers are the only one’s speaking the phrase, the feeling of discomfort such an accusation grants overtakes me. It’d never truly be my room. Just like this life could no longer be mine either. But here I am, losing sight of the original topic. My last day.

The sun was up and so was I. The worst part is the initial jolt. Putting on cold clothes sucks too. But the realization of where I am always reframes things. So, again, my last day.

There was a knock at the door. My presence was requested. Or so I was told. It was five minutes before my alarm would’ve gone off anyway. Well, five minutes before the first one. Time to move. Once I was “put together” I took a swig of water and made my way to the office. It tastes like chalk. But, it’s better than the alternative. I won’t express what that means.

On the stumble there I started to wax nostalgic of the previous morning. The one that ties it all together. The one I thought was my last until it wasn’t. You see, this is all about a girl. As cliche as it sounds, it always is. Even the lack of one makes it about one you see. At least that’s what I’m running with for now.

This may never end but maybe that’s how it should be. That’s how I wanted it to be. But, then things got weird. I liked her. A lot. Given the circumstances, even I knew I was jumping the gun. But it happened. Can’t take it back. But she just didn’t want things to be weird. Yeah, well, I remember my last day. I remember the last time I saw her that day. I remember the last words I spoke to her. I remember the last ones she spoke to me. Nothing. Not even a goodbye. But I can’t be surprised. Things got weird.

Yeah, I remember my last day. The morning that lasted until afternoon. The sound of the door closing behind her. The smell of smoke and fuel that mixed with the dirt and chill of the winter wind. She was a light. In only a short period I felt more than I’d felt in years for someone new. It was as though my past was finally just that, past. But now I’m back to where I started. Only, not so much. I started walking. I think I’ll continue. Whether this is me being impatient again or not, I don’t care. I’ll let them in. Start having friends again. If things end like they have in the past, then so be it. My only regret will be that I took so long to get there.

That all it took, was for things to get weird.