How I Became a Fascist Racist Homophobic Republican TERF

...or capitalism as a dagger

Finally got around to writing a bit more consistently. And with that, I can’t help but expect my next post to be next year at best. This site has been live for three years now. I’ve done so little with it that I can hardly validate the cost. Well, maybe. It’s not like I’m still going to therapy right? The answer is ‘yes.’ I’m not still going to therapy. I’m a bit too broken or not broken enough? Iunno. I’m no therapist.

This is going to be a wild one. Or at least that’s what I’d like to say but in all honesty, well, it’ll probably just be more of the same. It’d be great if I could get my headphones to work. Playing music from my phone is really taking me out of the flow every period. Or maybe it’s just position and volume. What do I know. I’m no audio engineer.

Anyone keen enough to notice the pattern that’s forming? Anyone else wondering who I’m posing that question to? Can’t be the voices in my head right? If so, definitely can’t write off this expense. Ha! Sounding like I’m doing my taxes or something. Write-offs are ‘tax-thing’ right? Iunno. I’m no CPA.

So what the hell am I? Well now, I suppose that depends on who you ask. Which platform. What day and time. Etc, etc, infinitum. That word is so smooth. Never know I miss it till it finds its way out of me. Never on purpose but perhaps that what makes it one of the best. Something-something bowel movement. And the crowd goes wild with applause. I’m bowing *in game* because here we are on the stage my freedom build. Any guesses? Bueller? Bingo-bango. We’ve reaching the steak. New age slavery where we trade our freedom for the semblance thereof. Working dead-end existences just to find out the ceiling is the people we met along the way. Mixed metaphor or I’m drunk. I should start drinking again. He at least had friends.

it was around COVID surprisingly. Amongst all the other chaos I found what I thought could be a place for me. For things like me. Again. I swear retrospect is the mob. Always breaking legs if you catch my drift. New G4. It was nostalgia berries wrapped in a capri sun and lead-tainted ice cubes. I’d been alone several years by this point. New slave stuff but I’ll save that for another post. Either way, when New G4 came out it brought me back to the good old times. Gave me something to look forward to mid-day besides the socks that never quite get clean. Looking back, I lost a lot during COVID. Never came down with the sickness but then benefits of limited to no associations I guess. Pluto. Leaving that there to see if it brings back memories years from now. Hello, Amtrak? Seems this train has derailed. Too soon? Pardon me. I’ll just fall.

So New G4. I was a kid when original G4 came out. Well, mostly a kid. I was in college by the time it died the first time. This time I was… well that what I was at the time of New G4 doesn’t quite matter. Just, much older. New faces, same energy. Happens when you anchor it with the former spirit of the network. Never meet your heroes. Kevin Pereira was never a hero of mine but I did respect his craft. He was a natural. Not sure why I’m using past tense. He hasn’t died by the time this posts. Or maybe, who knows. I don’t know that dude. And this is even less relevant. The point was, things were looking up. Until they weren’t. Hello, Deadpool 1? Borrowing the premise to your origin. Find your own schtick? Pardon me. I’m a lazy writer.

There was an incident on air. Live broadcasts will do that to you. I found it strange. No. There was a pattern developing and the incident that transpired was just the final match to powder keg. I’d been in comment sections defending the crap out of New G4. These “grifters” weren’t there! They didn’t know about anything! They were just scavengers trying to provoke and agitate and garner clicks. Disgusting. They were liars and I’ll be laughing when their predictions fail. And then New G4 closed up shop. The “grifters” were right. Maybe not about everything but about enough to make me realize that I didn’t know enough. The first domino falls. Fully collapsed. And before anything could be done to mitigate, corporate greed entered the chat.

Like when you catch the edge of a sticker and over time it just keeps getting worse till all the sticky is gone and you’re left with whatever it was covering in the first place. Just worse. As more and more of the inner workings came out about New G4 I became more and more disillusioned. One of the most egregious about how all the women were underpaid. Allegedly. I never saw the financials but no one even tried to deny it. Even now, four years later. The gross abuses and misuse of staff and funds, yikes. I’m surprised it lasted as long as it did. More surprised stuff like that was still happening in 2020. More surprised that I lost the charade and could no longer get the freaking sticker edge to stay down.

More things started to come up. Counter points. Tensions were rising. Straw mans. False equivalence. Outright attacks on people based on ideological standpoints that diminish entirely what it means to be an unique, multifaceted individual. And it snowballed. And any of us on the outskirts only grow more and more fearful because it seemingly hasn’t come anywhere near the end of its tumble yet. So where does corporate greed, sorry, read as—capitalism, come into play? Ironically enough, the misinformation that certain group spouted about other groups was being spouted by said groups. It stopped being subtle. Like people’s brains reset during the pandemic and no longer knew what tact was. And big business couldn’t care less as long as it doesn’t hurt their bottom line. Mad Stan was a creation ahead of its time.

The right, republicans, certain orange-tinted figures became enemy number one. Toxic to the touch. It was hate personified. Comparisons to actual Nazi’s. Censorship for public safety. It was a wild time and only continues to this day. Any dissenting opinion on any individual thing immediately labeled someone the worst, most vile of scum. "Eat and be merry!” ‘But this is poop. Literal fecal matter!’ “I SAID E A T AND BE M E R R Y!” But no really. Algorithms were weaponized. Speaking heads were puppet-speaking vitriol in the guise of handlining whatever the wind blew power. Dissenters were labeled and discarded. And all others were told to be silent. But that also where things really took the turn. What is it to be American if not the desire for freedom?

Advertisers played their hand but “capitalism” caused something largely unexpected. It made the “other side” more appealing because it was more accessible. Streisand effect but something even greater, the addition of advertisers pulling their marketing from content was a multiplier. Shoving ads down a consumer’s throat will hopefully one day die out like landlines but for the now, it’s something we are forced to deal with. Held hostage by even. But not all content. The divisive stuff, oh no, they don’t get the money but that idea is from a capitalist perspective. Corporations may be treated like people under the law but they will never have souls. They could never understand that when something tugs at the very core of your being, it doesn’t matter if you make nothing from it or even take a loss. The only thing that matters is getting the word out. Getting it out before it destroys your insides. Ha, why I came back to writing again. Sorry, guess I was still on hold with Amtrak. There’s a revolution going on and a new world is crowning. I’m scared. I’m excited. I’m “frangry.” Sorry, Deadpool 1 was on hold as well. The end is coming and the new world will be, whatever it can be. In the end, us that see it will have to hope for the best. The division being pushed, it’s a veritable battle of Olympian deities.

I won’t subscribe. I just want to be free and can no longer trust anything that would try to take away that freedom. They’ll demonize me. Being terminally online, I’ve already been so but as the ball continues careening faster and faster I can only imagine it getting worse. I want nothing to do with any/either of them. I just want to be free but to the red, I’ll be a communist, socialist, deadbeat looking for a handout for my sex-change and abortion after nine months. And to the blue, they’ll see all this and surmise it as how I became a fascist racist homophobic republican TERF.