"Cripple Crumble Quiver Quake"

April 28th, 2013; tumblr

The long route. The road less traveled. Take your pick and find yourself in the pit. Burning for eternity to find yourself ablaze in the river of fire. If sense could be made I’d be out of a job. This is a job now by the way. Pushing, pulling, crawling, creeping. Oh no, I’m giving away my cache of titles. What have I done?

Enough chaos has taught me to appreciate the somber moments. I’m disgusted by the sight of myself. I’m afraid of myself. The deep, dark crazy that peers back in the mirror. But I’m faceless. Souless? What a pity. What a shame. What’s the where?

Eventually this will sort itself out I tell myself. I’m really just writing for the sake of writing at this point. Maybe it’s a cry for help. Maybe it’s a cry in general. I know what’s wrong. My brain’s been scrambled and I’m falling short of the potential I promised myself I had. I failed at my presumed true love and settled for everyone else’s. Who doesn’t want to be liked at the end of the day?

Pushing everyone else away, I’ve carved the nicest human-shape hole. Hate to fill it with sadness. Turn that part of the brain off. Too far along to be concerned with failure. Too far along to be worried about my own shortcomings. Just have to keep moving. Never stop. Keep growing. Keep ever vigilant. I can get to that point. Have to believe I can be worthy. Talking about it again. Promised I’d stop. Should’ve promised to stop lying to myself. Where are the flaws hiding?

Seppuku. Just cause it sounds so much more elegant. Who am I kidding, I’ve never believed for a second I’d get the easy way out.

Shitty.