Entries in perspective (2)


Mainstay Monday: Say, What

Turns out in the short amount of time I've spent in this world has left me with the belief that there are consistencies. Universal Standards even. Not to be confused with common sense because I disproved the existence of that in grade school. At this point I'm not sure if I've delved into that here but if I waited till I had the time to go through every post I've made before putting out new content it'd probably end up being another few years before I got around to anything. But that's a tangent waiting to happen and Mainstays aren't exactly for that purpose. So, "Say, What."

As already mentioned, universal standards. Trends even. It's actually because common sense is a "myth" or at least to the extent it's commonly used, that the trend of misunderstandings seems to proliferate. I'm referring to them as "misunderstandings" but what I really mean to say is the act of being treated poorly. I should preface this by stating this all is observation based on my own perspective of events as they've transpired. My upbringing and the environment in which I did reside surely played a large part in the findings but even having traveled the world I've yet to find enough to counter the assessment. So, wrong or no, here goes.

People are treated pretty poorly. Usually for whatever reason, it continues to go on because an individual resigns themselves to the experience. I speaking of adults. Let me be clear about that. At adolescence, while it still largely happens, there is that wild irrationality that flourishes at that time in a person's life that makes it all the more difficult to pin down. But that's a tangent to something else entirely. The point is that the world is repressed. The existence we see in the light is one of reserve. Adults are beaten down into believing they must be timid. More than social class structures, it's a mentality promoted by society for the middle tier. The average reaction to uncomfortable situations is to submit. It takes a great push to bring forth a response of any sort of worth because of the ease of of avoidance.

Conflict is not fun. Conflict is stressful. Conflict requires effort. Of course there's the other side of the coin. The seemingly professional confrontation seekers. The people so outspoken as to cause strife by producing the same atmosphere as they rally so strongly against being exposed to. The vocal minority that screams and hollers about injustice but cause others to feel attacked and then leaving them to suffer. There's no way to escape the cycle anymore and the most convenient path leads solely to a life of misery.

Once might inquire in this current era if there is such a guarantee as the right to the pursuit of happiness for all. When you just want to stop being blamed or lumped into a group of unsavory but to say anything only prompts more of the same but at increased hostility. But then to say nothing means while it continues at least it's not worse. Sad. No-win scenario. But how does something like that find resolution? It doesn't. Not as we are now.  (00:33:01)


Mainstay Mondays:  Kissing

There are a lot of things I've done in my life up to this point but kissing isn't something I can say I've had the most practice with. The thing about it that gets to me though is that when I first looked into it, as in took a moment to really think about what it was, I really became confused. The act or rather what it represents makes sense. I mean it made sense when I first learned about it during adolescence but it just well is so strange. There's no real guide, it's just something that happens and everyone just seems like they're expected to know what they're doing and it's just so strange to me.

Obviously there are plenty of examples of people publicly attempting to figure it out for the first time and it's usually laughter inducing (to some extent or another) but what it represents, just like so many other aspects of intimacy, largely seems to be presented on the basis of "figure it out as you go." Perhaps my upbringing was just that much the outlier but I just find it intriguing.

When I kissed someone for the first time I was merely emulating the kisses I'd seen in media. Young enough to not truly know about porn so lucky me I suppose that it didn't imprint on me a more aggressive pattern but looking back I wonder if it would've even mattered. You see, while the person I kissed was someone I was in a relationship with, there was no feedback. There was no talking about anything. I can't say I know if that person liked or even hated it. We kissed and that was it. There would be more kissing in the duration of our relationship but at the very end I left it knowing about as much as I went into it as far as intimacy goes. I picked up a few things but I wouldn't have a frame of reference for any of them for a long time after that experience. Whether it had to do with society or perhaps just me being a unique case but all my life, I've just been left with more questions than answers and no input to speak of. I grew up in a different time however so I shouldn't be surprised but it just baffles me how strange of a process it was for me to get to where I am right now. How I developed my style of physical intimacy.

How I learned, almost instinctively, how/when to close my eyes. To kiss. To feign emotions.