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Monday
May282018

This is America, Thanos

You never realize how difficult it is to stay relevant until you dedicate your time to maintaining what amounts to a blog. "Maintains" is a bit of a strong word but just go with me here for a moment. There has been a lot going on, in my head, as of late. A lot of things I'd love to touch on. But then it's strange because I lack the time to give those ideas the proper coverage they deserve. It is because of that and this looming fear of relevance-there it goes again-that I find myself unable to commit the words. It's a shame. Why do I care so much about being late to the party? Simple. I feel like it's a waste to purport the same trash that everyone else is. It's a waste of my time and the time of any patrons who would visit my "humble" establishment here.

This isn't about click bait. My site, not the title. The title is for sure click bait but it does serve a purpose as well. I want to further the conversation. That's where things like this place--looking further outward--can thrive. The internet. Innovation shines there. Or, at least it can if we allow it. So why not?

This is America. And this is the link to the video. And everything and this and that has been said about it. But no one seems to be talking about the other little subtleties. Maybe my own experience helps shape the perspective; not maybe, definitely, but that's beside the point. I saw the video and looked at scenes where the children are on the rafters above with their cellphones that were originally on Childish Gambino move to the violence that propagated the background and saw that as a call to action. To use that "tool" which he so cleverly alludes to just prior to the scene in question. How those children, having their faces concealed, showcases that it's not a race thing. And that symbolism of the modern revolutionist and how it will be the youth that spark it, just all speaks to me of so much more depth. The bell curve of the piece. How it starts simple, the crescendo, plateau, and then the decrescendo which no one really talks about. How the turning point, again at the children with faces obscured juxtaposed with the ones that were surrounding him, remarks at the height of the "performer." Let's call it the "Ice Effect." Referencing the rappers, T and Cube, as opposed to the transitioned form of water. How they came up with truth and "realness" and then eventually became staples of "a life." Faking it. Actors portraying things and lives they no longer lived or ever had in some cases. Just how once Childish raises his hands without actually holding a firearm and his "posse" vanishes. How he walks alone to the sum of his work. A stable of vehicles. A pretty girl. His wealth, his worth, for all he did to get there amounting to really, barely anything at all. Hollow. And into the end as he runs in the dark. For all he did, his endeavors in the end made him no different from those others who fell before him. The people, America, uses him till they no longer need him. In the coming revolution, he'll have to pay his dues just as everyone else. His time is over. But Childish has rapped about things like that for years. And comedians of colors have remarked about it as well. That, even the wealthiest, most famous, most popular person of color is still just that before anything else. At least in this system.

So where does Thanos fit in? Sure it was a distraction. Sure I enjoyed it and would speed the money over and over again in any countless number of alternate realities. But really, the only reason it's there is because I had this joke sitting in my head for a few weeks now about how I didn't realize Avenger's: Infinity War was going to be a horror movie. Because a black guy is the first to die.

Tuesday
Apr032018

Scratch Paper Thoughts

Haven't done a 2.0 in a while now. Mostly just because I realized after the last one that I've been out of the loop. I used to be on top of tech news but I've been grossly slacking. My resources are and have been pretty out of date. Needless to say, even my own innovations have been lacking as well. I want to get back into that. So here we are I guess.

Looking at the way things are going right now, I've found myself looking toward smaller innovations. Things to augment the tech we already have now. Broad spectrum stuff like the 'modular model' are on my mind but I can't say in earnest that such is something I truly want to discuss here. At least not for now. Still have to clear some stuff up in my head before I just put it out there so I guess I'll stick with a much smaller idea. I present to you, "AI."

Nothing fancy, I'm just talking about Artificial Intelligence. I know, I know, already a thing, but then I think there's the issue. It's already a thing but it's implementation is so infantile that it's baffling. At least to me. Honestly. How is it we have pseudo-AI and we're still having "disagreements" at a [insert highest level of government] level on literally ANYTHING that falls solely on statistics to find trends/patterns that can be used to determine efficient and effective measures for the populous as a whole? Likely the same reason why a robot apocalypse is very possible. Because the people who run the world (publicly) grew up in an age when computers didn't exist. And because of that, we're all doomed to be ill-prepared for the transition period. Not going to say WWIII but well, WWIII. This is the precipice of the next age. But this is digital. The lag behind will be like first versus third-world. Of course third-world will then be the equivalent to like tenth at that point though. And just like that we're slowly shifting into a Mainstay. Guess I'll have to re-brand and try again at a later date.

True AI has been described as being infantile by those in the field because common understanding (amongst the scientific community) is that understanding of human intelligence is still so limited. That's laughable to me. I keep seeing things like that--see such as great debate with autonomous vehicles tackling moral dilemmas--and wonder where the disconnect seems to be propagating from. At the core of computer science is binary. At the core of humanity? Generally speaking? DNA. Now I'm overly simplifying this but bare with me here. We're talking a difference of two on a scale that expands outward in factors almost infinitesimal. So, it matters. The difference that is. It matters and with it is the problem. Not emulation, but the expectation that computationally artificial intelligence would behave like that of a human. What the hell!? How? It's baffling to me. As much as it is nonsensical. But here were are. "Lost in Translation." I should link back to one of my more recent Mainstays but lazy. Okay, not lazy enough I guess. Anyway, correlation right? Miscommunication. There is a gross disconnect and, main point, that's what's holding humanity back from the next stage of evolution. Bold statement? Sure. But this is why it's a mainstay now. So close it up.

Full disclosure. I have been seeing some scarce but very real rumblings of like-minded individuals but they seem to be drowned out by mainstream. Or then again, could just be due to my outdated sources. Either way, feels a bit better to finally clear this off the mind a bit. Even though it feels a bit derivative and is a stark departure from the original goal but flow is flow. We just let it take us, so sayeth the writer or some proverbial BS and whatnot. Back to the reg stuff some ever. Take care.

Monday
Jan222018

Humanity's Divide

This is going to be a weird one. Figured I'd throw that out there to start since while "weird" isn't necessarily an uncommon occurrence for these particular posts, this one is maybe a bit more out there. That out of the way, here we go.

I'm a people watcher. Of sorts. Or perhaps it would be be more accurate to say I'm an equal opportunity observer. Of sorts. I find myself lingering on the world, or aspects of, around me whenever my surroundings are less than stationary. I constantly find my gaze being drawn to anything that obstructs the general flow of my space. What I mean by "my space" however is more or less the area in which my senses are able to perceive. Of course I include all senses in that because the limits of one or two are trivial compared to what can be derived once supplemented by the full contingent. Of course. So what does that matter? Right? What does that have to do with anything? Nothing more than an observation of humanity. Of human beings. Of Interactions specifically. And what I found will shock you. Not really though. Probably. We'll see. Well, you'll see. Yeah.

I'm pretty crap when it comes to dealing with people. Obviously I can do it. I'm just shy of a sociopath so figuring out the basic intricacies of human interaction was something I made a priority. If only to avoid the awkward stares and questions that come along with the apparent lack of feeling. But here I am in my ripe old age rethinking things. Or perhaps it's more accurate to say I'm revisiting an idea I once had as a teenager. A premise. How much of human interaction is actual connection and how much is luck?

In all my time and accounting for every person I've ever had contact with, I'm come to realize just how much has been "Lost in Translation" over the years. In hindsight of course. This is from my perspective, so obviously there is some skew but then to draw back to the introduction of my proclivities, I began to look outward. It's like with vision. People use their personal experiences to fill in the blanks. It makes me wonder just how, if at all, human beings connect. It makes war sensical. The idea of peace laughable. It leaves me wondering if anyone is ever truly listening. It makes me wonder what kind of people do hear and comprehend. What it takes to get to that point with someone. Whether a person like that is truly human or not. Or maybe whether I'm just the outlier. Maybe there are more like me than I give credit. Perhaps we're all sociopaths, one step behind.

Is this a problem? No more than any other. The world continues to turn regardless so it may very well not matter until doomsday weapons become the norm. May not even by then. Time will tell. Always does. Yeah, this one's a weird one.

Monday
Jan152018

You Know the Easiest Way To Tell You're In a Simulation?

Really had to debate this one. Rolling around my head I keep throwing back and forth the premise of what this was going to be. Whether it be a "Mainstay" or a "2.0." Obviously we're diving into a lot of opinion/perception but the subject matter is clearly, next plateau. You can see from the category though where the coin eventually landed. SO, without further adieu, here we go.

You know the easiest way to tell you're in a simulation? It gets harder to tell. Lately, and I use that word loosely, more and more people have been subscribing to the idea that we all may in fact be in a "simulation." Honestly, whether we are or aren't, in the long run it likely wouldn't matter unless said simulation was for some sort of nefarious reasoning. Even then though, it likely wouldn't affect the world we've come to know in the slightest. At least not in a perceivable way anyway. So sure we can just jump to the conclusion that if it doesn't matter there's no point to think about it but for us neurotic types... oh boy. "Hold my beer."

So let's look at what I see and see how it stacks up. The point is that if I'm right, these words will never see the light of day. And if I'm wrong, these words will gain traction in some way shape or form since they'll only serve to reinforce the original premise. Of course there's the very real possibility of the reverse but why jump even further down rabbit holes? Where were we? Oh, right. "It's harder to tell."

The easiest way to tell you're in a simulation is to look for the edges. Find the ends and you'll find a world too small for the magnitude of realistic proportions. Not to go full "Matrix" but deja vu much? When everything seems to keep popping up almost as if the world feels smaller... yeah, it probably is. You know the best public announcement that's come out as of late? The great AI debate. Bots, bots, bots. It's perfect really. Rogue AI, always watching, always listening and then of course you'll see things you're casually talking about or admiring everywhere you look. It's just a ploy by advertisers using every underhanded trick in the book to make the most in this seemingly never ending age of consumerism right? OR it's just enough to make the limitations, the edges of the "world," look just that much further away.

Alright, that was my piece in all this. Just an idea I was throwing around because I refused to do any actual work on my movie pitch idea. That and as of the first of January my notifications have been going crazy. So many bots seemed to all go online at once. Not that I don't appreciate a follow... you know what? Scratch that. I definitely don't appreciate the follow or all the junk mail. And that's a tangent for somewhere else. Anyway, finding the reference links for this is going to suuuuck. And with that one elongated word I guess I'll have to change the category. Anyway, guess a little push to the right then for this baby.

Hope you enjoyed the read, have a good one!

Monday
Dec252017

I Didn't Realize How Disenfranchised Women Felt Until Wonder Woman Came Out

I feel compelled to start this off with admiration for the movie so that I may avoid some of the slings and arrows--read as misogynist declarations--but let's be honest, no matter what I type with a title like that, people will come into this with whatever they want regardless of the content. That said, the title really sums it up for me. The biggest regret I have however is the fact that I couldn't muster the enthusiasm to put this out sooner. Probably could be said for any number of ideas that I've let fall by the wayside but let's deal with that bridge yada yada crossing it yada yada.

Wonder Woman smashed records. Critics lauded it as a refreshing change in this age of super hero movies. Some people calling it revolutionary and others taking it further saying it was a greater than any super hero film of the last few years. Or so I wanted to exploit but as of my research currently, I'd be remiss if I didn't mention that those sentiments have since largely been drowned out by reason. I suppose I did just end up sitting on this for entirely too long but at this point I'd still much rather get the thoughts out and into the ether than to just abandon even more content. So, as I was going to lean into, I watch super hero movies. Wonder Woman wasn't a bad film. It wasn't perfect though. No super hero movie is. But before I dive further, let me exclaim, the goal of this isn't to tear it down. Plain and simple, I'm just going over the effects I've come to witness after the inception of the first female super hero to grace the silver screen. At least in terms of proper super hero as opposed to your Alice's (Resident evil), Ultraviolet's, ...scratch it let me just say as opposed to the characters Milla Jovovich or Charlize Theoron have taken up. I'm oversimplifying for comedy sake so bear with me. The point is, super powered women aren't a new concept. Not even on the silver screen.

But what makes Wonder Woman stand out? Outside of the fact the Warner Brothers/DC have been putting out less than stellar showings in terms of live actions adaptations to their comic book properties or the fact that Wonder Woman is the first top tier female super hero from a comic book to have a solo movie? (Elecktra and Catwoman are negligible for numerous reasons) Simple. This movie made bank. Rightfully so, it was a good movie. But was it a great movie? Was it unique and different? Honestly, no. If it wasn't Wonder Woman and was just some other dude with super powers would it have done as well? Of course not. But that's the litmus test. Let's not kid ourselves into believing otherwise. So if something so dependent on a thing as the sex of the lead made such waves, yada yada, we're back at the title of this piece.

The movie had a simple story. The ending [SPOILERS] amounted to an old fashioned big bad fight with the main character all of a sudden unlocking some hidden power unbeknownst to them to go OP and save the day. [/END SPOILERS] Where's the innovation? Where's the revolutionary? What kind of world do we live in where the dialogue seems to gloss over something so blatant? This current era of "political correctness" apparently. I use quotations because it's a joke. So much of this political climate as of now is a joke. Not the ha ha variety I assure you though. Just, the kind that makes one really see what it really means to have privilege in this day and age, or on the flip side, what it truly means to be less than.

The loudest outcries of hate, so long as they fit the agenda are gaslit while rationale is snuffed out. Am I denying the dark things that transpire in this world? Hell no. But it is laughable to see so many giving praise for such minute victories. U.S. citizens talking about taking down the patriarchy in this county as if such a thing exists here. But that just brings up the question of "why" more than anything else. The numbers don't lie. People went out in droves to see Wonder Woman. It was lauded as masterpiece by many even though it's plot and conclusion were about as straightforward as it gets. So why? Why do the most privileged people feel so disenfranchised? Why is the narrative so focused on women being treated poorly when the truth is that everyone is treated like trash? That's what I find myself trying to figure out. That's what I find is the real question in this whole mess of a year, decade, lifetime. Why, after all this time, are people still so egotistical?

Do I fall into that? Sure, of course. I'm promoting my ideals above others so I'm just as guilty. What incentive is there to listen then, right? None. There never was one and never will be one. This blog is not for that purpose. This place is for the curious. For them I say welcome. For those who enjoy puzzles and noticing subtleties. Again, welcome. But I digress. I've done some traveling; lived in other countries for some time and would like to say I've garnered at least a bit of a broader view of what this world has to offer. It's honestly with that knowledge that I find myself here trying to push out this piece. I love my country. I've fought for my country. I've sacrificed for my country. But America, Mr. Uncle Sam even, why do you your loudest outcriers feel so downtrodden? Why are so many women blanketed by feelings of weakness and oppression in this country? Why are so many men virtue signaling because of it? This really would've had much more of an impact prior to the #metoo movement but again, lethargy got the best of me. Either way, Are we just weaker? Are we as a nation just that frail? Disjointed even? Was the last time we all came together the last terror attack? The last World War? And if it were does that mean it takes something like that to get the people to snap out of this boo hoo me mindset and into the lift your fellow human beings up mentality? For the love of all that's good and holy doesn't anyone else out here see how Watchmen-esque things are starting to skew? Is it really going to take a Dr. Manhattan/Alien invasion for us all to get on the same page and stop blaming this or that? Do human being really need an adversary just to realize everyone's the same? Hasn't the same science that leaders pervert to make weapons already established that unifier long ago?

Atoms for anyone who's not quite with the rest of us yet. Just this whole world baffles me at times with how simple things appear to become so complicated. Tower of Babel really does seem to lean credence with all the lunacy of this era. All so connected but so short-sided all the same. Why are so few willing to expand beyond these immaturities that limit the development of the species? I may never know, but I suppose it's better for me. Keeps me stocked with plenty to write about. Anyway, thanks for reading. Hard to type that without laughing to myself. Till next we meet again.

Comment and be heard.

Monday
Nov272017

I Believe There's a God Above Me, I'm Just Trying to Save Everyone Else

First let me tackle the title. Kidding. What'd be the point in reading if you already know the premise. Then again I suppose I've come to find there are way more people of that inclination in this world than I ever thought there could be. Been a while "fam.""Kept you waiting, huh?"If I remember by the end of this I'll link the references to those. Here's hoping.

Meat and potatoes though because otherwise this is pointless... er uh, more pointless? Screw it. It's (It + Has) been quite a while since I've updated. The throwbacks are hardly updates in the truer sense of the word and most of those were scheduled anyway. What's going on? What's changed? Why the absence? I'm sure my audience of one person is just dying to know. metaphorically though because if literal, I then lose my brand. That's how that works right? No? Oh, so I suppose I should stop with this garbage and just get to the point.

This won't be like the standard Monday stuff, but I suppose the change had begun many months ago already. The point is that this is going to be coming from the seed of something more personal. What I mean to say is that if there aren't any overarching themes to something more metaphysical then I apologize but that's just how it'll be. Depending on the timeframe I may just be able to get one of those in before I disappear again but who knows. Maybe just more throwbacks till I can finally get on my feet again. So where to begin? How about with something deeply personal.

I am alone. And not like reddit meirl/2meirl4meirl "alone" but more actually alone. I haven't had a friend, or what passes for one, since 2015. My family is all but nonexistent and for some reason, tonight of all nights I started pondering the correlation between my self-imposed banishment and the ease in which I was able to find such isolation. On a whim I watched a REACT video and it reminded me of the last, or one of the last, time(s) I spoke with my older brother's wife. Oh, I have a brother. Not as important but I do have siblings. Maybe I'll get to a place where it's worth speaking about but for now all that's necessary is to know that this particular sibling is married and quite a few years ago I had a falling out with said spouse. Looking back on it, tonight, I realized how oblivious I must've been to believe such an outcome wouldn't affect my relationship with him. My brother that is. It was his wife for goodness sake. But then I was a bit more self-involved--read as sociopath--at the time but far less inclined to keep up appearances for the sake of civility. Honestly I believe I was as honest then as I could say I would be for the decade that followed. Email correspondence, go figure. I've always found my truth in writing. Probably because it was far too easy to lie in such a medium. But I'm getting into a tangent. The point is that, well, what do you think happened? Eventually my brother broke off contact with me. Granted it happened a great deal later in time than I would've thought but of course it did happen.

Part of me wonders how he rationalizes it. Probably the same part of me that wonders how anyone who has stopped speaking with me rationalizes it. I mean I know how I get by with the knowledge but that's because I'm a sociopath. They are people though. Human beings with human emotions and feelings and empathy and whatnot. Logically, they likely blame me and of course I can accept that but call me Schrodinger because that, among a few other anomalies in my life, is my cat. I'm not linking that because I won't insult your ability to google or just know the reference off the dome. So tie it in. What does any of this have to do with a misquoted song lyric? I guess nothing more than it was just what was playing as I started this post. The alteration having a bit more meaning to it but all in all not really anything that can't be ascertained from the steady decline apparent in the throwbacks.

I was away for a while and in the time away I did some rereading and site maintenance. It's hard to write by the constraints I've implemented on myself. This just feels like work and well, with work feeling like hell, yeah. I'm really floundering. Don't get me wrong here. This isn't a cry for help, just needed to get some stuff off my chest because there are idea ideas floating around that could use the extra breathing room. The light has finally reached the dark and people are starting to see what lurks in the shadows. Surprise, surprise, it's quite unsettling. That'll probably make more sense later. If I ever get around to updating more frequently at least. Anyway, I guess I'm back? Time will tell.

Monday
May082017

The Real Cause of the World's Collapse

It's a pretty bold statement I know but just hear me out for a bit before complete dismissal. Call it hyperbole if you like but it has never been more apparent to me than right at this moment in history. All this talk of external circumstances causing the destruction of mankind when in fact the greatest threat is ourselves. And no I don't mean in the sense of countries going to war with one another due to poorly worded tweets. The divide is so apparent it's suffocating. All these groups are gathering but seem to be missing the point. Don't get me wrong, it is very much an "us" versus "them" scenario. But it's not POC, LGBT+, national origin, gender spectrum, vegan, atheist, etc. versus "adversary x" more than the concept divide. We're all fighting the same war but the outspoken cries of the most self-centered have and continue to drown out and obscure not only what's at stake but what really deserves our energy and consideration.

The age gap at some point became so common that people stopped considering it the threat that it truly is. Technology armed it and now decisions are being made that will not only affect but END generations. Unfortunately after the baby boomer and millennial came the victim generation. Everyone's special and unique and different and diverse and a victim but isolation and that fine sprinkle of impatience have created those that purposefully blind and deafen themselves to anything beyond their 25m targets. Everyone is so scared of their personal bubble being popped that they don't realize it has long since stopped being empathy they're feeling. The longing for unity which should've brought us all together has turned on us. Now with the very technology that made the universe smaller new segregations have developed. New factions. New platforms to stand upon and new weapons for which to wield.

Humans have come to the point of development where archaic institutions can no longer represent the the masses. The old ways aren't reasonable anymore but the ones making their living off that power would never relinquish such. That'd be ludicrous. It's the very foundation of ideals that's the problem. The system's broken and too many don't get that. Elders were respected because they were considered the wisest. They had power because they had more experience than those their junior but in an age of information when everyone has access to the full range of the world's knowledge we can't possibly be held to standards so outdated. But then we are. We're held, shackled into beliefs and understandings that no longer apply. We're held by laws and restricted by ways of old and placated by battles for trinkets. Women's rights? Trans rights? Representation for POC? All of that is a pittance to what's really at stake. The next stage of human development. The evolution of thought. The future lies in the hands of the generation to end generations. The transcendent generation.

At this point I'm sure it sounds plain crazy but we've yet to turn the corner. I'll ground this a bit first, so bear with me. The concepts I'm discussing here have more to do with the developed world of course. But "more" isn't to be used synonymously with "only." The wars for human rights are still happening just as they were centuries ago when the first continents fought each other for freedoms for their people. Differences in culture, religion, physical appearance, and the list goes on, still reside as reason for conflict. It's a sad truth but one that pales into comparison at the consent the masses give for stunting the future. Adversity breeds character. Turmoil breeds strength. But the future doesn't require the same as it had as such merely enforces the stagnation. The barrier is right before us. The key to go further is the birth of the next generation. The one which breaks through the limitation of assimilating knowledge and the time required for it to become experience. An aberrant is what is necessary. Everything else is mere distraction. No one will be able to move forward until the individual surpasses the system. All the tools necessary are already available. All that awaits, to take the first step.

This World needs to collapse. All these manmade constructs serve no other purpose than to impose a reality of limitation which will only continue to stunt and poison any chance for evolution. For freedom. The adepts will shepherd the new world. We just need to stop getting in the way.

Monday
Jan302017

Mainstay Monday: The Biggest Losers

The Biggest Losers of Donald Trump's Inauguration are Rappers

Let me start off by saying that this is going to be a bit of a long one so bear with me. The payoff to this joke probably won't be worth it but then again I'm not a comedian. It's really hard, especially when life more times than not, is the joke. Nihilism, hello darkness my old friend. I like that, that'll likely be the next title of my next mainstay. Here's hoping I remember.

Donald Trump. An imperative sentence. It speaks volumes. Especially if you're American. At least for now. Here, in this current era. Love or hate the individual, he's a man that's quickly transcending even the confines of being a symbol. At some point in time the man stopped being a man and started to be something, more? Or less depending on who you ask. There are people calling him the "worst of America" or a "Nazi" or "evil" and it baffles me how so much vitriol can spray from the same people who are trying to promote understanding and empathy. The hypocrisy is suffocating. Hyperbole doesn't hold enough weight to describe what's slung into the ether that is the internet. It's gotten to the point where I can almost guarantee that if this made it to enough eyes, an immediate condemnation of my person would take place. An assumption that I was an apologist or even more ludicrous, a supporter of the current President of the United States of America. It's laughable but perhaps more sad that this is what it took to bring to light the divide that has existed in this country since perhaps its very beginning. Not terrorist attacks, not systematic oppression, but the election of what amounts to an open sore. An American who's more honest in his lies than most of his detractors would ever admit of themselves but that's not exactly the point of this. The point of this is to push a joke whose payoff burdened by leagues of emotionally charged political rhetoric. That sounds nice but means little. Just go with it.

Reading is a forgotten art it seems. I don't hate Donald Trump because I've taken the time to try to understand the man. Honestly, it's likely more so since so much of my feed has dedicated itself to hatred to the level of publicly calling for the man to kill himself, that I've even found some sympathy for the "devil." I suffer from depression. I've mentioned it numerous times. You know what I don't quite talk about all that often though? The fact that people can affect my outlook on the world when then put me down. When they tell me how little I'm worth. When they utter things like "kill yourself." Words filled with such hatred and disgust are my generation’s lashes on my back. As a slave to a system that grants privilege to the wealthy and hardship to those that can do little but struggle to stay alive, I haven't forgotten all I've had to do to get to where I am today. I can't forget all I've been through to wake up every morning. It hurts. It hurts and scars and makes carry all this emotional baggage that much more difficult. But he's not a person right? He's a symbol of hatred so why should he be granted understanding, compassion? He's ignorant and instead of trying to help him, let’s vilify and destroy? How does that make sense? How can so many people not see how they are perpetrating the same cycle that creates people like him in the first place? He's flawed and emotional but he's human so it's allowed. He has made mistakes in the past but continues to move forward, trying to do what we all are trying to do. He's trying to live. He saw something wrong with the way things were and charged forward because he believed he could do something about it. He secured the vote of like-minded individuals and is doing what he believes is necessary for the world he perceives. Just as every President before him has in their own way. Except it's as though the roles have reversed. As if we are in some bizarre mirror world where the people who were supposed to be above the pettiness of oppressors and bullies have now become just that. How can I be expected to have pride in a group that decries those with differing opinions as racists/misogynists/homophobes and condone assaulting others on the street because they represent something that doesn't fit into the ideal world this wish for? How are they any better than the bullies I've faced in my life from adolescence to adulthood? How are they better than the people that make fun of me when all I try to do is my best with what I've been given? How are they any better than ANYONE who think it's better to CONDEMN someone before ever trying to HELP them? Sorry. I just don't see how anyone could honestly take pride in that.

If anyone has gotten to this point, I hope it's appreciated how the first letter of each of the previous paragraphs frame this final one. So, on to the joke. The thing is that this is America I'm talking about. Adversity, division, hardship, it all just serves to temper the country, strengthen resolves. Whatever comes from this will lead to a stronger, greater country than was started with so long as it in the end can find a way to come together and truly embrace itself for what it is, the sum of ALL of it's parts. Any with that, it's kind of niche to any of the fans of "Young Jeezy" but the reason why rappers are the real losers of Donald Trump's election as President of the United States of America is because, simply put, nothing rhymes with orange.

Tuesday
Jan032017

Mainstay Monday: Say, What

Turns out in the short amount of time I've spent in this world has left me with the belief that there are consistencies. Universal Standards even. Not to be confused with common sense because I disproved the existence of that in grade school. At this point I'm not sure if I've delved into that here but if I waited till I had the time to go through every post I've made before putting out new content it'd probably end up being another few years before I got around to anything. But that's a tangent waiting to happen and Mainstays aren't exactly for that purpose. So, "Say, What."

As already mentioned, universal standards. Trends even. It's actually because common sense is a "myth" or at least to the extent it's commonly used, that the trend of misunderstandings seems to proliferate. I'm referring to them as "misunderstandings" but what I really mean to say is the act of being treated poorly. I should preface this by stating this all is observation based on my own perspective of events as they've transpired. My upbringing and the environment in which I did reside surely played a large part in the findings but even having traveled the world I've yet to find enough to counter the assessment. So, wrong or no, here goes.

People are treated pretty poorly. Usually for whatever reason, it continues to go on because an individual resigns themselves to the experience. I speaking of adults. Let me be clear about that. At adolescence, while it still largely happens, there is that wild irrationality that flourishes at that time in a person's life that makes it all the more difficult to pin down. But that's a tangent to something else entirely. The point is that the world is repressed. The existence we see in the light is one of reserve. Adults are beaten down into believing they must be timid. More than social class structures, it's a mentality promoted by society for the middle tier. The average reaction to uncomfortable situations is to submit. It takes a great push to bring forth a response of any sort of worth because of the ease of of avoidance.

Conflict is not fun. Conflict is stressful. Conflict requires effort. Of course there's the other side of the coin. The seemingly professional confrontation seekers. The people so outspoken as to cause strife by producing the same atmosphere as they rally so strongly against being exposed to. The vocal minority that screams and hollers about injustice but cause others to feel attacked and then leaving them to suffer. There's no way to escape the cycle anymore and the most convenient path leads solely to a life of misery.

Once might inquire in this current era if there is such a guarantee as the right to the pursuit of happiness for all. When you just want to stop being blamed or lumped into a group of unsavory but to say anything only prompts more of the same but at increased hostility. But then to say nothing means while it continues at least it's not worse. Sad. No-win scenario. But how does something like that find resolution? It doesn't. Not as we are now.  (00:33:01)

Monday
Dec262016

Mainstay Mondays:  Kissing

There are a lot of things I've done in my life up to this point but kissing isn't something I can say I've had the most practice with. The thing about it that gets to me though is that when I first looked into it, as in took a moment to really think about what it was, I really became confused. The act or rather what it represents makes sense. I mean it made sense when I first learned about it during adolescence but it just well is so strange. There's no real guide, it's just something that happens and everyone just seems like they're expected to know what they're doing and it's just so strange to me.

Obviously there are plenty of examples of people publicly attempting to figure it out for the first time and it's usually laughter inducing (to some extent or another) but what it represents, just like so many other aspects of intimacy, largely seems to be presented on the basis of "figure it out as you go." Perhaps my upbringing was just that much the outlier but I just find it intriguing.

When I kissed someone for the first time I was merely emulating the kisses I'd seen in media. Young enough to not truly know about porn so lucky me I suppose that it didn't imprint on me a more aggressive pattern but looking back I wonder if it would've even mattered. You see, while the person I kissed was someone I was in a relationship with, there was no feedback. There was no talking about anything. I can't say I know if that person liked or even hated it. We kissed and that was it. There would be more kissing in the duration of our relationship but at the very end I left it knowing about as much as I went into it as far as intimacy goes. I picked up a few things but I wouldn't have a frame of reference for any of them for a long time after that experience. Whether it had to do with society or perhaps just me being a unique case but all my life, I've just been left with more questions than answers and no input to speak of. I grew up in a different time however so I shouldn't be surprised but it just baffles me how strange of a process it was for me to get to where I am right now. How I developed my style of physical intimacy.

How I learned, almost instinctively, how/when to close my eyes. To kiss. To feign emotions.

Monday
Jul302012

Mainstay Mondays #2:  Gays

Well now this one has been long and coming. (See Trans/Post) Now what few interested parties I did have, I guess this is what'll separate the diehards from the casuals. I now give you, "Gays." An honest opinion focusing on basics derived from observations via the viewpoint of a questionably objective participant.


Gays or rather the idea of homosexuality as anything more than cheap frills is a joke. Maybe a little too harsh? Alright, I'll tone it down to the basics. I have every bit of belief in the world that those who believe themselves to be gay are doing so in response to fear. The fear of being alone. The fear of being hurt. The fear of putting themselves out there and actually TRYING and putting in EFFORT and WORK. Life isn't easy by any stretch of the imagination but to SETTLE seems to be the main coping mechanism for way too many and that's what I'm trying to express in this little rant.


By this point if you've even made it to this point I'm quite impressed with your resilience to deal with topics that many would so expressly condemn. Or maybe like me, your pride won't allow you to tell me to "F*ck Off" until you've actually read all that I have to spew on the matter.


I don't have a problem with those who identify themselves as homosexuals or even those that engage in homosexual activities. I by no means am attempt to validate condemnation of those individuals. I just desire to express how limiting such actions are in terms of the strength of character it takes to put one's self out there and do what nature intended for the survival of the species.


Crazy to think of it as a crime against nature in the literal sense isn't it? But, it's true. Humans weren't made to procreate asexually. Science is making strides toward resolving such an issue but but that's hardly anything more the the posturing of minds that believe just because something can be done, it MUST be done. Were we not in a state of global overpopulation I'm sure my views on such endeavors would take an opposing view. but, then again, if birds and cows were fish there'd be far more vegetarians.


I personally find women appealing in a fashion that would take days to express concisely. Believe me when I say I'll have a separate post of that because quite frankly it's something I've plotted out since it's a big part of my life. That said, I have the absolute worst luck with them. I'm just not terribly good at that aspect and have faced rejection and solitude for a lot more of my life than any one should be comfortable with. it doesn't deter me though because I refuse to settle With all the concessions I've had to make in my life up until now and all the ones I'm sad to say I'll probably have to make in the future, that won't be one of them. I believe I will find the one for me and that it is absolutely ludicrous to approach this situation in a manner of we fall for the ones we fall for when experience has shown me otherwise.


The only happy homosexual couples I've ever seen have been on TV or in the movies. I really hadn't taken note until I had a friend who identified their self as a homosexual. I proceeded to do, with that knowledge, what I do for all those I care about, I supported them in any way I could. And although I found myself as some sort of pseudo-therapist, all I keep thinking was okay, maybe in time the right one will come along and everything will turn out alright. The right one imagined, never being expressly gendered but just someone who would make the need for "talks" less frequent. Currently I'm still waiting for that to transpire but it made me realize that, in that regard the relationship wasn't much different than the relationships of those that stay in too long even when everything to everyone else appears to have gone straight to turd. Armed with that I began to see something even more developed taking shape. The only reason stuff like that is so prevalent is because of fear. Because Life. Is. Hard.


There are just too many people in existence on this plane of existence to believe someone of the opposite sex is an impossibility. Because, and I realize how simplistic I'm making this, there are people with every kind of personality amongst both males and females so if it's simply a matter of that then to classify one's self as gay or lesbian based on matters relating to emotional connection is extremely short-sighted. And the counterpoint being that if it's to do with the physical aspect than how can that be love? How can anyone be so presumptuous as to believe all love is, is merely physical sensations?


And with that I'll end this. There's more to it but really not much more. If you've made it this far, I commend you. Aside from that, however you chose to live is up to you. These were just my two cents and if you're gay please comment cause I'd love to here an honest counterpoint to how I'm missing something or if you believe I'm wrong, then please by all means, let me know how. I'll never turn away knowledge. It only makes us all better.


Take care.

Monday
Jul232012

Mainstay Mondays Number One: Misogyny? I Barely Know Her!

So this is like watching paint dry I'm sure. The whole roll out of my layout, I mean. It's been over the course of what, six months or so since I started this little plan of mine? "Throwback Thursdays," "What's Up Wednesdays?" Well here we are with "Mainstay Mondays" now. And, just like with all the other firsts for a given category, I'll give a brief overview of what to expect from this particular topic.

"Mainstay Mondays" are generally for all those thoughts the float around my mind. What makes it so special or for the sake of argument, special enough to warrant the title "mainstay" is that these ideas will flow along the terms of what this site was originally created for. "Mental spring cleaning." Just new content that's not as personal as my WtUpWeds or as dated as the ThrThurs. So, without further adieu, here is the "first" entry in the category.

 Misogyny? I Barely Know Her!

Misogyny is a term that pretty much dictates the hatred of women. Don't believe me? Click the link. It goes to dictionary dot com or some other reference guide other than wikipedia. So what right? What's the big deal? Well the big deal is that this isn't going to be some long trite peace trying to express how I don't fall into such a category but rather a long trite peace about how there're plenty of great reasons why I should. And, not only that but also how the female presence in  my life in particular has all but groomed me to be so. Welcome to the Misogyny-Made Man. (Part I)

Growing up, there was always an infinite abyss of differing views and opinions but to such an extent that it was impossible to realize. That being said, there really are more people in this world than one can imagine at any age. There just always seems to be some aspect of life that continually reaffirms the miniscule nature of self and its place in existence. Now, I have little desire to dive too deeply into philosophy with this but a lot does fall upon the very nature of sentience, what that truly means in relation to existence.

So, then how does that build the misogynist? Simple, add equal parts inferiority complex, mass media portrayal and propaganda, then countless interactions with others groomed in similar fashion to believe the belittlement of their worth dare bring happiness and there you go! Now, this is perhaps where things get a bit convoluted. I do apologize but as it's mainstay I can't help if this begins to bleed into topics I've covered in the past and even ones I've yet to cover here.

Personally speaking, I greatly enjoy the idea of being with a woman. As time continues to move forward however, I've found myself becoming, for lack of a better term, more and more picky about just what type of woman it would be. I am by no means the greatest specimen of humanoid. In fact aside from countless bouts of discrimination, inadequacies, and underestimations I've found isolation to be the only calming and stress-free existence available at this time. Though as the Last Order dictates, my mission will not be possible in such a state so, interaction, no matter how stressing, is an unavoidable reality. So, what's so bad about interaction? What's so hard to deal with? Simple, people suck.

Let me reiterate, it is the negative interactions that color this world. Why it seems those are the most prevalent only helps to produce the traits that fall in line with a recluse. "Be confident" is a term that gets thrown around casually. The desire for a "Real Man" instead of a "Boy" gets equal play as well. Vague idioms that carry as much weight as "Be happy" would went thrown to someone suffering from chronic depression. Of all the sayings I've come across in my time, it is two that stick with me in this field of study. "Good guys finish last" and "It takes money to make money,"

"Good guys finish last" is a saying that used to hold a lot of meaning for me. I would take it to heart to explain my inadequacies in dealing with people and situations in which I felt I should be able to be on equal footing but alas would find myself falling to the wayside. It can make someone quite bitter to always fail at something everyone around them seems to excel at, and with such ease, but the truth is that, even THAT such limitation can be surpassed. To tweak the saying a bit, as life continued on it really seemed to ring true. Hearing women's reasoning for turning me down as being because I was "too nice" couldn't possibly do little else but reaffirm the previous statement. Women talk about how it's not "dicks" and "douche bags" but the "confidence" then make the previous explored comment and settle on people who very much treat them poorly can hardly be seen as little more than the hypocrisy so readily evident in this world. But even then, to hold fast to the original quote means to find contention in the stagnation that such a belief entails. But that's merely the female portion. What of the male?

Men will spew out words of similar faction. Truth be told though, their "truth" is that which is equally as faulty. The ones that find success are always quick to ridicule those that hold fast to that undelying principle of those who "finish last." They have succeeded where so many others have failed and say that such isn't the case which really is possibly the truth. Now we see the evolution. They aren't all "not nice guys" that are finishing. They are those that don't lack what others do. So the quote changes. It's not about nice guys or bad guys but a matter of those with the tools to continue that finish. First. And where are those tools? How does one acquire such? Simple, interaction which brings us to the second quote.

"You need to spend money to make money." That is, of the two, the better quote. Experience in anything goes a long way. But it is the negative experiences in life that produce such jaded existences. At this point in time I find myself burdened by two alternative. To settle on something short of my aspirations or to holdfast and steady in the hope that eventually the moment of truth will be upon me. Sounds a bit dreary no? But it is the truth. We can all be passive or active in our fates and though it may sound as though that is what those alternatives are about, such couldn't be further from the truth. The alternatives are about reality. And the reality that I'm positive that so many people have come to realize themselves. There are too many out there that are brainwashed into being the stereotype that those true individuals are withering away and at great speeds. I've personally come into contact with enough of the unsavory to, in my opinion, sate a lifetime. Women who care solely about appearance or wealth/possessions. But where and what happened to those individuals, those strong and independent who were actually as those words designate?

I am not financially wealthy or good looking. It is something I've come to terms with long ago. As such, I strive to accomplish that which I feel I was destined to accomplish. That said, I will not settle. I will not settle for those that message me because they've ascertained what I do for a living and see the potential in it to make their lives better. I will not settle on those who hold the branch of friendship (online) but then talk about how a membership and some money would "help" you two become closer. I will not settle on those who turn their noses because I do not own a car. I will not settle on those who don't fit my idea person but have shown interest in me otherwise. I will settle for the one who embodies the strength I know all humans to have and if that takes a lifetime or a hundred, that is the price I'm willing to put on the line. I find no beauty in those who lack honesty in their desires. I struggle with such on a regular basis but at the end of the day, I know exactly what I am, what I'm here to do, and that if I'm skeptical it's because I've seen it all before. So, until I see otherwise, just understand that it isn't misogyny. It isn't anti-feminist. It is the fact that there is better. There is the best. And that is where I settle. Nothing short of that could possibly do me any good.

--------------- END

Now I know this post is probably an odd way to start off with but later posts in this series will make a bit more sense in tandem with it. Thanks for the read though if you were able to make it this far and I hope that you'll be willing to offer some feedback because as I've already stated above and will state a million more times, interaction is absolutely necessary. Thank you again, and yeah, I guess, go save the world, there can never be too many heroes.