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Monday
May132019

It Was the Best of Times

I finally finished transferring my tumblr posts to this site. It was a hassle and a half. I never realized how much I used to write. Kind of makes me sad that I've dwindled down to less than half the frequency. Maybe I'm at a tenth? Not to say that they were all gems but I can't deny there were a fair number of "bangers." Heh, look at that, I got wind of the other style. Dancing around bushes and whatnot to get that "crispy" word count. And the influence of youtube commentators is getting to me.

Alright back to point and purpose. What makes this a "Mainstay?" All none of you are asking that question but this is the internet so I'll answer it for my own sake. See what I did there? Anyway, really, this isn't going to be happy. I'm preparing myself for the hell of it all. Reading through the past I found what I guess would be considered the second act of my murder. Coincidentally, the first act was on my first "website." Fitting then that the third and arguably final would be here. Can't link to the second because it's on schedule now and I don't have the patience to wait for it to start this. I'm moving forward. I won't wait any longer. So it's time to finally cut the last vestige of whatever I once was. The last goodbye. Or at least, the most significant one. There was an adieu to the influential female friends in my life, there will be one for the crushes, and this final mass for my family. Funny, "Take Care of Yourself" has just spun up on the list.

This was essentially the last of my brethren to make it into the fold and yet someone crowned himself the center. I believe I met him through the person who will be last on this list. I honestly don't quite recall. I just know that he was my brother. My boss at one point. And the biggest BS'er I've ever known. He was also the youngest of us all. Not like it was by much since we all share the same year but considering the other two share my month.... I don't know why I'm trying to pad this. We fought rarely but when we did, I believe it brought us closer. I trusted him. Even though best practices were to always believe the opposite of anything he ever said. I knew his heart. I knew his family. Well, to be fair with that one, I knew all their families. Not the point. I knew him. I'd put my livelihood on the line for him. I'd fight for him. I'd protect him. I'd protect them all. To protect them all I did what I did. I do what I'm doing now. Sorry. This is supposed to be about him. My dear friend. No, my brother. He broadened my view of the world. He was a big part of what led me to hold New York in such reverence. I was his Chief of Staff. He was Mr. President.

The second of three. Arguably I hate to say it but I think I've missed this ahole the most over the years. Probably because we talked more than any of the others. Even before I left for college. We just used to argue about the dumbest stuff. All the time. Dang, he was such a good friend. He was my brother. Ha, I never told him but I was always a little miffed by the fact that the girl I crushed on for the largest majority of my teenage/collegiate years had a crush on him. I don't think I ever held that against him but looking back, I know that I may have been a little short with him at times because he was the otherside's grass. I looked up to him and not just because he was taller or older (only by less than a week) but because in many ways he was the best of us. Universally liked, smart, talented, a freaking comedian, and of course good-looking if even girls who had a strict no black people rule were still willing to offer him a pass. I remember back when we got into an argument in English class. I remember crumbling his pen in my fist like it was paper. I remember him rushing me, ready to start something and our teacher jumping in the middle and acting hysterically even though as soon as she moved towards us we broke it off immediately. He was a dear friend. He was my dear brother. He embodied his AIM screen name now more than ever I suppose. I learned so much from him. He hated when I called him Beauby.

He told me I was going to die alone. In the years passing he would try and backpedal whenever I brought it (as a joke of course) but I guess he was fairly prophetic in those days. I hate to admit it but he knew me better than anyone else. I began to resent him toward the end because he had everything I dreamed of. He earned it though. He worked hard and got to where we was on his on merit. It wasn't his fault that I failed to make anything of myself. I guess as things started to get progressively darker, all I could think of was how I didn't want him to be right. I hated that he was. I hated that in my own story, I was clearly becoming a stepping stone. It wasn't as though it was just him. He was just the closest. I was alone. I was drowning in debt. I was flunking out. He had his frat and the woman who would later become his wife. He had familial support so finances weren't the biggest issue. He graduated. From the school I ran to, to escape the hell that was my childhood. The school that dismissed me and closed the door on me ever attaining closure from. This probably all sounds negative but I suppose it's because if I list off the other 98% of my time with him, I'd probably be unable to continue holding back the tears. He really was my brother. Even moreso than those I went to war with. It was up until last year that he stopped calling. can you believe that? Six years with no reply and he still would call to say happy birthday. He was my brother. He was my family. All three of them were. While together we were "Four Brothers" He and I were "Bad Boys." I hesitate but know I have to name him or it won't be complete. Who's coming up with these stipulations is anyone's guess but the time has come. The name I choose to leave him with is TMoS. His first alias. He was the first member of the CoS. He was the last one to make contact with me. I'll miss him truly. Uah Uah.

This was my family. There were numerous others who've had lasting impacts on me, blood-related family included, but these guys were my family. These guys were the ones that made me what I was in my prime. They were my triforce in a way I guess. My biggest regret is that I wasn't strong enough to stand by them in the end. But I suppose I'm not the person they grew up with in the first place. The one they knew, the one they cherished died so many years ago now. This is Goodbye to his brothers. Goodbye and take care.

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